I've been thinking back to my early homeschooling years...remembering the times I wanted to quit so badly! The years that I feared my children were going to miss something important or that I wouldn't be able to teach them a subject as well as a "real" teacher. Had I been arrogant to think I could homeschool? The public school teachers were more than willing to back up my fears.

My husband and I both felt God directing us to homeschool from the time our oldest child was only two. We heard Dr. Dobson interview a homeschooling family, and looked at each other in amazement. THIS was what we needed to do! When Daniel turned four, we bought the entire BJU 4th grade curriculum. I tried to follow it to the letter since I didn't really know "how" to homeschool. It was a struggle all year. I also had a three year-old and a one year-old that needed my attention. I was always feeling guilty about ignoring them or finding something for them to do ( such as sticking them in the playpen in front of Sesame Street) until I could give them my time. Somehow my role as teacher was trumping my role as mom.

That spring, someone from our school district came to visit. They had been given Daniel's name, and strongly suggested that I put Daniel in a special education over the summer. You see, Daniel had a speech problem. It was petty hard to understand him. They said he needed a professional's help to overcome this. I thanked them for the information and told them I'd consider it. Fortunately, that spring I also attended a homeschool conference. There I was encouraged to try a new method of teaching that would include my younger children. I was also assured that I could help Daniel with his pronunciation, myself. They said that the public school would love to label him as LD, and plug him into the system, but he may be stuck with that label through the years. So, with renewed determination, I set my face toward the goal.

We purchased Mortensen Math and Play-n-Talk (for phonics) and lots of storybooks. I also got a hands-on science course from the Creation Research Institute. My younger two children would play with the pieces while I taught Daniel. Becky (who was four by then) could participate in some of the lessons. I knew I had to get the year's work done before June, I was expecting another baby, then!

I worried that my responsibilities as housewife were not up to snuff and asked my husband about it. "You just teach the children," he said. "That's the priority If you accomplish that, you've succeeded." I can't tell you how much that meant to me. To be able to focus on doing one thing well, and still be successful in my husband's eyes.

When Sharon was born, I began to panic. How was I going to teach with an infant in the house, a three year-old, and do TWO grade levels (K and 1st)? I cried a lot, prayed for a way out, and tried to get my husband to agree. He kept saying, "I know you can do it!" It made me so mad.

Somehow, God gives us grace to do what we cannot do. I began the next year with four little children in the house. I began to realize what Jesus meant when he talked about laying down your life to follow Him. I was truly a servant of all that year. My husband Robert gave me breaks whenever he could. Sometimes he would babysit our children and a friend's children (she had five) so she and I could have a girl's night out. Often I would call this friend in the evening to talk and cry and compare notes. We were often going through the same crisis at the same time! The school year went fairly well. Becky was writing and learning to spell, and reading Dr. Seuss books. I felt that Kindergarten, for her, had been a success.

But that coming fall, with the prospect of teaching three children... my fears overcame my resolve. I took the children (without talking to my husband first) over to the public school just to ask some questions about the possibility of enrolling Daniel and Becky. Then, I reasoned to myself, I could spend some quality time with James and Sharon!

The teachers and principal were quite eager to have Daniel and Becky enrolled immediately. The principal expressed concern that the children may not have a solid enough foundation to go into the next grade level. Although they could both read and write, Daniel's penmanship was sloppy, and Becky, the principal said, had this innocent doe-eyed look... she wasn't ready emotionally to handle the first grade. So, with the voice of the "experts" ringing in my ears, and feelings of failure about my teaching ability, I enrolled them in school.

September began well. The children liked their teachers and the other kids in their classes. October brought a different kind of problem. Each day the children were bringing home artwork of witches and ghosts, and scary Halloween stories, from school. This was a real problem for me. Not only were the children NOT getting a Bible-based education, but they were emphasizing a Satanic holy day! I wanted to pull them out of school at that time, but still had doubts about my ability to teach. I figured, October would pass... and at least they were learning basic skills. Again, I was wrong.

By the end of Becky's second Kindergarten year, she couldn't even spell her name. The school had been using something called "Brave Spelling". Now I had to remediate my children! Daniel hadn't learned any more that year either, although it had been fun for him. His handwriting had improved somewhat... but not sufficiently in my opinion, to have repeated a grade.

When I told my family and friends that I would be homeschooling again, I got a lot of flack. Everyone seemed more than willing to tell me that I couldn't do a good job. But that year, I found a homeschool support group in the area. I heard the stories of other moms who had been through it and succeeded. I also began to learn that their success was more than academic. They had children who loved each other and respected and loved their parents. They had a real home.

This was something foreign to me. I almost expected my children to go through the same phases I did of disrespecting my parents, rebellion and fights. I realized that I had been listening to the wrong voices. The voices of the past, the voices of friends and family who knew I had never been a good student, and even my own self-doubt. But in order to succeed at teaching my children (not just their minds, but their hearts) I would need to listen to God. And, my husband! While the professionals were more than willing to point out my inadequacies and lack of training, God and my husband were giving me the grace to grow and learn along with my children. And I had A LOT to learn!

Since then, we have moved three times and used several different curriculums and teaching methods. I also put them in Christian school one year. I've discovered, there is no greener grass. "There's no place like home-school"! I love my family, and am grateful to God for his patience with me. I am also thankful for my husband's support and patience... through those years of climbing over laundry and dinner not being ready. I still don't keep house the way I'd like to, but having four teenagers makes it a lot easier!

I found that the children did have different learning styles and I had to adapt my teaching methods to them. But even with all the missteps and changes, each child has developed a desire to learn and has maintained excellent grades. They don't always sit at a desk, sometimes I find them sitting or lying on the floor to study. They have each developed goals (on their own) and discovered talents that they are energetically pursuing. They have seen that education is a means to achieving their dreams. Besides the core subjects, Daniel is pursuing computer programming, and guitar. He plans to use a career in programming to support music ministry. He also enjoys playing on the HSPN teams. Becky is often found at the piano or working on a drawing or reading. She hopes to go to art school and become an animator. James is planning to work in the field of robotics, but also enjoys writing, piano, technical drawing, basketball and baseball. Sharon enjoys debating theology, crafts, sign language, writing, and is currently taking guitar lessons from her big brother, Daniel.

Just as God gave me the grace to grow, I am trying to allow the children that same grace. Strict formats and schedules never sparked their creativity the way delight-directed learning has. I love listening to my children tell me about what they have discovered or invented. While they do occasionally get offended at teach other, there is so much mnore harmony in our home than I experienced growing up in my home. Seeing them work and laugh together... what a blessing! Luke 7:35 says, "Wisdom is proved right by all her children." God's wisdom has worked out so much better than mine!

For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven. Don't resent the season of small things. The joy of the Lord shall be your strength. He will give you the grace and help you need, at the time yo need it, so don't be anxious about tomorrow, but if you need something, ask and you shall receive, and your joy will be made full. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it! So, do not become weary and lose heart. The Lord will be with you wherever you go.