Children have an inborn tendency to be selfish. As parents we hope to train our children to be generous and share with others. Going against what comes naturally takes a lot of work, but here are a few pointers to get started.

1. Ownership is a Biblical concept. Forced sharing of everything one owns is socialism. God recognized and gave clear guidelines in the Bible (especially the Old Testament) about property and property rights. "Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things?" ~ Jesus (Matthew 20:15).

If something is given to a child as a gift, they should not have to share it unless they want to. In this way, the child is treated with the same respect you would want them to show when visiting someone else's house. Young children may think if they see something pretty, they have a right to reach for it and handle it, but they must learn to restrain themselves and respect another person's home and things. This is much easier to teach if they have personal property of their own that others must respect.

2. Giving is another aspect of sharing which is only meaningful if done from a free will. At first, children will not have this tendency. To develop this, it is helpful for your child to see and hear about children who have much less. Tell them stories with good role models of giving. They should be familiar with the gifts God gives - especially in sending His own Son, Jesus, for our sakes.

Better than buying gifts for them to give to others, allow them to do a few special chores to earn money to purchase a gift. Or, they could bake some cookies (with your help) to give to someone who is alone at Christmas. Take the children along to see the joyful reaction to their gift! If a child is being selfish and doesn't want to give anything, let them experience the feeling of being left out when others have something to give and they don't. This could translate very well into an eternal lesson about having treasure laid up in Heaven... something to offer Jesus when we see Him.

3. Teaching appreciation of gifts is important too! Making special thank you notes together, talking with them about how they feel when a gift is appreciated or ignored, being a model of thanksgiving and appreciation yourself - these are all ways you can instill the virtue of thankfulness. Also, teach them to give and appreciate in others: gifts of service, compliments, time and respectful attention (honor). Children who have too many things will not appreciate gifts as much. It is best not to overwhelm them with numerous presents, but to select a few special and meaningful ones.

4. Each household should have family-toys for all to share and take turns using. This will give practical experience sharing without the risk involved of something special of theirs being ruined.

5. The Bible teaches to give without expecting anything in return and to loan without expecting the item back. There is a cost to giving and to sharing. The child needs to realize that a toy may be broken or lost. The other child may not want to give it back when they are done playing, and may be ungrateful. This is best learned with the "safe" family toys. Graciousness and forgiveness can be practiced at this level first. Love for others and denying of self are things that come with maturity. Small steps with rewards of appreciation for their generosity will go a long way toward developing a giving heart in them. It is true that God is pleased when children give. Since they can't see His face, they need to see your response for reinforcement.

Forced love is not love. Sharing against your will gains no reward in Heaven, and may create resentment toward the one being "shared" with. Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"; appropriately called "the golden rule". If you would not like to have your things forced from you, your children wouldn't either. God loves a cheerful giver. Give them opportunities to give freely and let them reap the rewards or disappointments of their own behavior. They will learn!